Financial Independence

I Love You, But I Need My Independence

Isn't it funny how romance movies almost never cover the thorny issue of joint finances? We might be forgiven for thinking that once those hearts are entwined, everything just fits together perfectly, but financial stress can be hard on relationships.

Large differences between our partner's wealth and our own might push us to have conversations around how to manage joint finances. But even in a relationship where both of us earn similar amounts we should create a method for managing our money which affords everyone dignity and independence.

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Consultation sets the scene

Effective communication is essential for supporting our material needs and our emotional ones as well. We know money can represent different things for people and understanding what it means to us makes this conversation much more effective. If one person spends money because it represents freedom to them, and for their partner saving means security, there may be an ongoing tension between those two emotional needs. Understanding the emotional drivers of spending and saving helps us create a dialogue which focuses on the underlying issue, and not just the amount in the bank.

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Independence isn't fear

Almost all of us go through the process of separating our finances from our family's at some point. We open our own bank account, we make our own decisions about expenditure, and we don't rely on our parents to tell us what to do with our salary. Becoming an independent financial decision maker is an important part of our growth; entering a committed relationship doesn't mean that we should automatically go back to a state where we aren't in control of our own money.

Keeping our accounts separate doesn't mean there's a lack of trust. There are many reasons why we might feel like a merging of bank accounts doesn't meet our individual needs. Keeping some independence doesn't imply that you don't trust your partner or you're not committed to the relationship.

Managing entirely separate finances in a relationship also require an emphasis on trust and good communication where shared ventures are concerned.

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When asking is important

It's important to have a clear understanding of boundaries if we do open a joint account. Agreeing on which purchases should be consulted on and which can be made alone is an important step to ensure that neither partner spends more than the other is comfortable with, but also that each feels they have sufficient autonomy to purchase things that are wanted or needed. A dollar limit on single purchases or a monthly limit on total purchases might set mutual expectations early and reduce misunderstandings and friction later on.

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How Do We Make It Work?

There are lots of things to consider when merging our finances. Wanting to remain financially independent isn't a sign of a failing relationship or a lack of commitment. Establishing good communication and effective boundaries are essential to creating a financial system that works for everyone and leaves us feeling empowered and secure.

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* The information provided in this article is general information only and does not take into account your objectives, financial situation or needs. Before making a financial decision, please assess the appropriateness of the information to your individual circumstances and consider seeking professional advice.

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